Salvation. With chloeas.

[olliequeen]

It was past Midnight.

He'd spent hours on the balcony of the Ace of Clubs after Clark had left, staring over the city blankly but not really seeing it.

He only had one drink, and it hadn't been nearly strong enough for what his body was craving. The short night had been the longest amount of time he'd been sober in weeks. Since the day of Jimmy Olsen's funeral.

Thoughts of Jimmy had made him think of the one person he'd done his best to avoid. The one person who'd been hurt most by everything that had happened. Whose life had been utterly wrecked. Shutting his eyes against his thoughts hadn't made them go away and he'd sucked in a breath, trying to steel himself against the pain.

Now as he stood on the doorstep of what he knew was called, quite appropriately, the Watchtower, he rubbed a hand over his face, his stomach in knots.

He'd faced Lois. He'd faced Clark.

He'd even faced Tess.

And he'd pushed all of them away, some more subtlely than others.

But this?

He wasn't sure he was ready to do this. But he had to. He owed it to her. He owed a lot of people a lot of things, but no one as much as her.

Reaching out, he knocked loudly.

And waited.

Terrified.

Comments

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

She wasn't expecting anyone, Emil wasn't supposed to come by, Lois didn't even know the Watchtower existed, the Toy Man was being handled by the authorities by now and Clark didn't knock.

Chloe picked up the gun that had been carefully hidden under her main desk and made her way towards the door, her eyes widening when she made out the face that was standing outside.

With a deep breath, Chloe hurriedly unlocked the door and pulled it open, her eyes widening even more when she took in his appearance, Clark had told her what had happened at the press conference, and she knew enough about what had been going on with Oliver up to a few weeks before today, until her camera was discovered. But seeing him like that still shocked her into silence for a few long seconds.

"Oliver?"

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

He drew in a breath and looked up to meet her eyes briefly. "Hi." For the life of him, that was the only thing he could force himself to say. There was just nothing left. He'd come here to apologize, to try and make amends, and now he wasn't sure he'd even be able to choke out a full sentence.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

The gun was hanging on her side now, and she couldn't take her eyes off of his face, she was grateful that he was alive and even more grateful that he was standing there, reaching out, but it didn't make it any easier to see him like that, to think of what he had just tried to do to.

"Come in," she said quietly as she took a step back and opened the door wider to make room for him, a small smile on her lips.

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

Oliver bit down on his lower lip and stepped inside the Watchtower, glancing around, faint surprise registering on his face at the sight of all the computer equipment. His shoulders were slightly hunched, his tie loose around his neck. "Wow," he murmured, his voice barely audible.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

After locking the door again, she set the gun down on the desk, wincing a little as she saw him looking around, "all thanks to you." She said quietly, not having a reason to lie to him about it.

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

He glanced at her silently for a moment, managing a small shrug. "At least it's for something good." His voice was just as quiet and he didn't meet her eyes. Drawing in another breath, he slowly walked around the room.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

Chloe didn't say anything for a moment, just watched him look around, she wanted to ask him how he was, but considering his actions earlier that night, that didn't seem appropriate.

Leaning back against her desk to give him space, she nodded, "Dr. Hamilton arranged everything." She knew he wasn't interested, that he didn't care what happened to his money or how it got there to begin with, but she wanted him to feel comfortable enough before she asked him what she really wanted to ask.

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

He rubbed a hand over his face wearily, looking blankly from one monitor to the next. At all of the technology that Dr. Hamilton had set up for her. She was right in thinking he didn't care what happened to his money. It's not like it mattered. It wasn't really his money to begin with. Even if it had been, he was pretty sure he still wouldn't have cared.

All the money in the world couldn't change what happened, couldn't alter the things that he'd done.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

Chloe took a deep breath after the silence had extended for a few minutes, if she let it go for much longer, she had the feeling he was just going to end up leaving and she wouldn't have done anything to help him.

She pushed herself away from the desk and motioned to the small couch under the huge window, "do you wanna sit down?"

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

He glanced at her, then followed her gaze to the sofa, nodding a little and moving over to it slowly. He sat down, his muscles tired and yet still tense from the events of the evening. He rested his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands together tightly and not looking up.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

She hesitated for a moment then walked over to the couch, sitting down next to him but keeping enough space between them not to make him even more uncomfortable.

"Is there something you want to talk about?" Her voice was soft when she asked the question, she was doing her best not to pressure him.

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

Oliver was silent for a long moment, then he looked at her sideways before returning his gaze to the floor. "I'm sorry," he whispered. His voice was barely audible.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

She closed her eyes for a second and shook her head, looking down too and holding her hands together on her lap, it took her a moment to reply, "it wasn't your fault, Oliver, no one blames you for what happened."

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

"I do." He swallowed hard, shutting his eyes, as well. "God, I do, Chloe." He rubbed his hands over his face again and rose to his feet, beginning to pace the floor.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

"You're the only one who had it right from the beginning, Oliver." She kept her eyes on the ground for a moment then sighed deeply and turned her face up to look at him, "you shouldn't blame yourself."

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

He shook his head a little and continued to pace. "It doesn't matter," he murmured. "None of it matters anymore."

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

She didn't like the sound of that, at all. Normally, she wouldn't think Oliver would be the kind of person capable of thinking of himself so worthless, but the earlier events had proven her wrong and his words scared her.

There had been enough loss and death around, she had to help him out of this, "what makes you say that?"

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

He raked a hand through his hair, but didn't stop pacing to look at her. "It shouldn't have been Jimmy," he murmured. His mind was clouded. Too clouded to focus. To try and put it all into words. He couldn't remember the last time his mind had been clear.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

His name alone made her chest tight, "no, it shouldn't have been." Her voice was so quiet, if the watchtower wasn't in completely silence, he probably wouldn't have heard her at all.

But this wasn't about her, it wasn't about Jimmy, it was about helping Oliver. She got up but didn't step any closer to him, "but Jimmy's death wasn't your fault, Oliver."

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

"It doesn't matter, Chloe. It shouldn't have been him. Jimmy didn't do anything wrong. He didn't hurt anyone. He didn't--" He shook his head and resumed pacing. "He shouldn't have been the one." He swallowed hard, his stomach clenching.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

Chloe finally took a couple of steps forward, effectively stopping his pacing and looking him straight in the eyes for the first time since he arrived, "no, he shouldn't have," she repeated but her voice was firm this time, "but hurting yourself isn't going to bring him back, it's not going to make things better, it's only going to hurt the rest of us more and I think we've lost enough, Oliver."

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

He was caught off guard when she stepped in front of him, stopping him. When he'd been with Lois in the elevator a few weeks ago, he'd come close to breaking down. The night before when Tess had shown up in Mexico and saved his ass from a large man with a gun, and proceeded to try and get him to open up, he'd been even closer to breaking. He hadn't looked at either of them.

But now he found he couldn't look away from Chloe and for a moment he couldn't breathe and his chest was tight, his eyes dark with despair. "I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice cracking.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

She didn't look away either, but she noticed the change in his eyes and she could tell he was confused, lost and hopeless, without thinking, she stepped closer and placed her hand over his upper arm, "you don't have to be sorry, Oliver, just let me help you." This time, her voice was soft.

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

Oliver shuddered slightly when she rested her hand on his arm. "I don't deserve your help," he whispered, dropping his head. He shouldn't have come. He came to apologize, to seek forgiveness from the one person whom he'd hurt the most, and he had no right even asking for that. It was too much. A tear trickled down his cheek but he didn't bother to brush it away.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

"You may think that," she told him, trying to keep her voice from breaking, "but I don't, Oliver. I want to help you." She squeezed his arm gently, her chest tight as she watched him.

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

He swallowed hard, sniffing a little. "I'm pretty screwed up," he confessed. Like he needed to say it for her to know it. Like she couldn't just look at him and tell how far gone he was.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

With a deep breath, she nodded, "I know." Her voice was soft again, a little relieved to hear the admission, "but you are not alone."

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

Oliver shut his eyes for a long moment, trying to regain what little composure he had left. He covered her hand with his own, gripping onto it tightly.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

Chloe pursed her lips together, watching him for a moment before turning her hand in his, holding his hand back and then stilling again for a second, hesitating before pulling their hands from his arm and stepping closer to him, eyes on his face as she wrapped her free arm around him loosely, giving him the opportunity to step away if he was uncomfortable with the hug.

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

He shuddered, winding his arms around her instinctively and pulling her closer. He dropped his head, burying his face against her hair as he squeezed his eyes shut.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

Without hesitation this time, she wrapped both arms around him, closing her own eyes and sighing in relief as she held him, she wasn't going to let him go anywhere until she was sure he wasn't going to hurt himself.

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

Oliver's arms tightened around her a little as he held her like a lifeline. Like his only chance at salvation. Because somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that was true.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

She held on to him back, unconsciously rubbing a hand soothingly over his back, she had never seen Oliver like that before, never seen him so broken or so open, she had never seen him cry before and to know what he was in so much pain that he didn't even care she was seeing him like that was what worried her the most.

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

"I don't know what I'm doing anymore," he murmured. "I've screwed things up so bad I don't know how I can come back from it." It had all started with killing Lex.

No.

It had started before then. When he'd found out that Lionel Luthor had murdered his parents. Something inside of him had grown dark and cold and empty. One bad action had led to a string of even worse actions and even inaction. And now, he didn't know if he could be redeemed. He wasn't sure there was anything within him left worth redemption.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

"You can." Chloe said reflexively, she had been surprised when she first spoke, but she was glad he had, if they talked, if she made him understand that he wasn't going to simply be allowed to try and disappear inside himself, then maybe he wouldn't try to run away again.

She pulled her head back and looked up at him, but didn't let go of him, "but not alone, Oliver, you need help and you need time, but eventually, we will figure something out."

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

"I'm so tired, Chloe," he murmured, raking a hand through his hair wearily, his eyes drifting shut. He felt like he'd aged twenty years in the last three months. He was so tired he didn't even realize what he was saying.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

It felt like every time he said something, her heart broke a little more, he did look exhausted, weary, like he couldn't deal with anything right now, "okay," she said before slowly pulling away, but reaching for his hand and bringing him with her as she stepped towards the couch, "we don't have to talk about anything tonight, but you're staying here with me."

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

He didn't argue. There was no fight left in him. "Okay," he murmured, sitting down heavily on the sofa and then stretching out, resting an arm over his eyes and exhaling slowly.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

Chloe pulled the blanket that was on the back of the couch over him, she hesitated for a moment then sat down on the floor next to the couch, reaching for the hand that wasn't over his eyes and taking it in both of hers, she wanted to make sure he knew he wasn't alone.

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

He gripped her hand in return, glad for her presence. For her comfort. It was the first time he'd allowed himself that from anyone in a very long time.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

With a relieved sigh, she squeezed his hand softly, nodding, "rest, I'm not going anywhere," she reassured him quietly.

When Jimmy and Davis died and Clark left, Chloe had been so focused on trying to find Lois, Oliver, Bart, Dinah and the others that she hadn't really given much thought about how everything that happened had affected them. It was only when she started following them, especially Oliver, that she realized no one was really doing well, they weren't simply avoiding Metropolis or giving her time, they were drowning in their own guilt just like she was.

That was when she decided that the best way for her to start forgiving herself was to focus on helping them forgive themselves.

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

Within moments, he began to fall asleep for the first time in days, exhaustion gripping him. As he drifted toward unconsciousness, it occurred to him that the next day wasn't going to be easy.

But he was going to see the day. He just wasn't sure how he felt about that.