Salvation. With chloeas.

[olliequeen]

It was past Midnight.

He'd spent hours on the balcony of the Ace of Clubs after Clark had left, staring over the city blankly but not really seeing it.

He only had one drink, and it hadn't been nearly strong enough for what his body was craving. The short night had been the longest amount of time he'd been sober in weeks. Since the day of Jimmy Olsen's funeral.

Thoughts of Jimmy had made him think of the one person he'd done his best to avoid. The one person who'd been hurt most by everything that had happened. Whose life had been utterly wrecked. Shutting his eyes against his thoughts hadn't made them go away and he'd sucked in a breath, trying to steel himself against the pain.

Now as he stood on the doorstep of what he knew was called, quite appropriately, the Watchtower, he rubbed a hand over his face, his stomach in knots.

He'd faced Lois. He'd faced Clark.

He'd even faced Tess.

And he'd pushed all of them away, some more subtlely than others.

But this?

He wasn't sure he was ready to do this. But he had to. He owed it to her. He owed a lot of people a lot of things, but no one as much as her.

Reaching out, he knocked loudly.

And waited.

Terrified.

Comments

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

"It doesn't matter, Chloe. It shouldn't have been him. Jimmy didn't do anything wrong. He didn't hurt anyone. He didn't--" He shook his head and resumed pacing. "He shouldn't have been the one." He swallowed hard, his stomach clenching.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

Chloe finally took a couple of steps forward, effectively stopping his pacing and looking him straight in the eyes for the first time since he arrived, "no, he shouldn't have," she repeated but her voice was firm this time, "but hurting yourself isn't going to bring him back, it's not going to make things better, it's only going to hurt the rest of us more and I think we've lost enough, Oliver."

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

He was caught off guard when she stepped in front of him, stopping him. When he'd been with Lois in the elevator a few weeks ago, he'd come close to breaking down. The night before when Tess had shown up in Mexico and saved his ass from a large man with a gun, and proceeded to try and get him to open up, he'd been even closer to breaking. He hadn't looked at either of them.

But now he found he couldn't look away from Chloe and for a moment he couldn't breathe and his chest was tight, his eyes dark with despair. "I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice cracking.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

She didn't look away either, but she noticed the change in his eyes and she could tell he was confused, lost and hopeless, without thinking, she stepped closer and placed her hand over his upper arm, "you don't have to be sorry, Oliver, just let me help you." This time, her voice was soft.

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

Oliver shuddered slightly when she rested her hand on his arm. "I don't deserve your help," he whispered, dropping his head. He shouldn't have come. He came to apologize, to seek forgiveness from the one person whom he'd hurt the most, and he had no right even asking for that. It was too much. A tear trickled down his cheek but he didn't bother to brush it away.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

"You may think that," she told him, trying to keep her voice from breaking, "but I don't, Oliver. I want to help you." She squeezed his arm gently, her chest tight as she watched him.

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

He swallowed hard, sniffing a little. "I'm pretty screwed up," he confessed. Like he needed to say it for her to know it. Like she couldn't just look at him and tell how far gone he was.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

With a deep breath, she nodded, "I know." Her voice was soft again, a little relieved to hear the admission, "but you are not alone."

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

Oliver shut his eyes for a long moment, trying to regain what little composure he had left. He covered her hand with his own, gripping onto it tightly.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

Chloe pursed her lips together, watching him for a moment before turning her hand in his, holding his hand back and then stilling again for a second, hesitating before pulling their hands from his arm and stepping closer to him, eyes on his face as she wrapped her free arm around him loosely, giving him the opportunity to step away if he was uncomfortable with the hug.

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

He shuddered, winding his arms around her instinctively and pulling her closer. He dropped his head, burying his face against her hair as he squeezed his eyes shut.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

Without hesitation this time, she wrapped both arms around him, closing her own eyes and sighing in relief as she held him, she wasn't going to let him go anywhere until she was sure he wasn't going to hurt himself.

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

Oliver's arms tightened around her a little as he held her like a lifeline. Like his only chance at salvation. Because somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that was true.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

She held on to him back, unconsciously rubbing a hand soothingly over his back, she had never seen Oliver like that before, never seen him so broken or so open, she had never seen him cry before and to know what he was in so much pain that he didn't even care she was seeing him like that was what worried her the most.

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

"I don't know what I'm doing anymore," he murmured. "I've screwed things up so bad I don't know how I can come back from it." It had all started with killing Lex.

No.

It had started before then. When he'd found out that Lionel Luthor had murdered his parents. Something inside of him had grown dark and cold and empty. One bad action had led to a string of even worse actions and even inaction. And now, he didn't know if he could be redeemed. He wasn't sure there was anything within him left worth redemption.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

"You can." Chloe said reflexively, she had been surprised when she first spoke, but she was glad he had, if they talked, if she made him understand that he wasn't going to simply be allowed to try and disappear inside himself, then maybe he wouldn't try to run away again.

She pulled her head back and looked up at him, but didn't let go of him, "but not alone, Oliver, you need help and you need time, but eventually, we will figure something out."

[dl-greenarrow.livejournal.com]

"I'm so tired, Chloe," he murmured, raking a hand through his hair wearily, his eyes drifting shut. He felt like he'd aged twenty years in the last three months. He was so tired he didn't even realize what he was saying.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

It felt like every time he said something, her heart broke a little more, he did look exhausted, weary, like he couldn't deal with anything right now, "okay," she said before slowly pulling away, but reaching for his hand and bringing him with her as she stepped towards the couch, "we don't have to talk about anything tonight, but you're staying here with me."